I finally did it.

Ok...not what you think...what I meant by that was I finally told my best friend (guy) that I wasn't going to be his roommate, or even move to Portland for that matter. He's really mad now, not to mention heartbroken. He can play it off like everything is going to be ok, but I know him, and I know him well enough to know that he's going to be very sad about this for a while. Most likely I'm going to give him some time to mull things over, there's really nothing I can do from waaay over here.

I had to be honest with him, I had to tell him the truth, because with anything else, he would see through it, and not being honest with him would hurt him even more. I wanted to do this in person, but it's been weighing me down for the last couple weeks now on how I should tell him. I wanted to do it in person, but he's coming to here to have fun, not be bogged down by this news. I guess I'm doing him a favor. I love him sooo much, and he means the world to me, but I have this horrible feeling that if I did move to portland and be his roommate, then something would happen, not necessarily between he and I, but in general that would make it weird between us. *sigh

I don't expect him to understand why I'm doing this, in fact I don't expect anyone to understand. All I know is that I've been looking at my life seriously for the last couple weeks, and even though I'm making the right decisions and doing what I'm supposed to, I still feel very unhappy. I want an adventure, I want to find "the one", get married and have a family. I want to create and have a job that I control. I want to make people feel good by making quality clothing of my design. Most of all, I don't want to waste any more of my youth.

Well, I guess by tomorrow I'll be happy in my oblivion via medication....*sigh...I'm waiting Lord, patiently waiting for my life to be a little easier and a little more worth it...even MY patience wears thin sometimes. We shall see. Cio'

HA! I KNEW it!!! I'm sooo going to be popular in life!

You scored as Costume Designer. You know the ropes, Costume Designer! It's EVER so important that everyone looks just right for the role! You know just the right touch to add life to each and every one! GOod Work! Costume Designer 75% Lead Role 70% Supporting Role 60% Techie 45% Stage Manager 45% Chorus 20% Which type of Theatre Person Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Some poetry of mine....

On the round parts the soldiers are waiting in silent stillness. Waiting for their foes like statues and gargoyles. The bloody rage is seen in their eyes and stance. The battle already won in their hearts is projected from their minds on the castle grounds below.

On the other side of a distant hill, another army is seen marching in countless stride on foot, horse and cart. No one stands as a leader, they walk in a group as a parade of victors. Flags and banners are flying high against the wind while swords and sharpened poles are raised in anger on this morn.

But lo, in the castle sits a fair maid who morns her love on the other side. She morns his death as it fast approaches. Clutching in her hand an auburn lock, close to her heart, close to her breast, while every breath is breathed as if it is the last while she awaits her lover's destruction.

In the field he doth march, glancing down to look at a tear stained note. He raises his head with bravery renewed, waiting, searching for the beacon to his heart.

The forces collide with a thunderous sound, and foe against foe they rage.

Our warrior proud and fighting freely, battles his way to the castle grounds, to where he can see the tower that claims the spirit that calls to his heart. One heartbeat, then two, and a flash of a pale face in a window is seen, a face he knows so well. His goal is clear.

There she sees him fighting through a path that is covered in blood from the madness of his intent. A pale hand is thrown to budding lips as a close encounter nearly spent his life.She rushes from her perch as cries from her ladies are heard in the back of her consciousness while down the stairs she flees.Down, down are those stairs, endless and foreboding it seems while she winds her way on fleeting feet. Each of her heartbeats echo all the passionate moments they shared, memories she clings to as daylight finally signals her release.

At the door they meet, a combination of metal and muslin while oblivious to the danger that lay hidden behind in the castle keep.A loud grunt and a startled gasp is given as they both look down to see the object of vexation. Protruding from them both is a lance, thrown in the throes of madness and jealousy of the rival lord. An action that both made is target and denied him his prize.A rage of impetuosity is heard as the lover's eyes meet. They kiss an eternal kiss. Breathing their last breath as one until they breathe no more, but are bound as their souls fly to heaven. Watching their death's embrace, they glance towards heaven, and are free.

***copywrite 2001***

I wonder how long this would take me? Hmmmmmmm... 

Having emotions suck ~WARINING- may cause discomfort, or the need to find me and give me a hug~

Yeah, you can already tell from the title that this blog is going to bit on the ranting/sobbing/emotional/pissy kind. Yeah...welcome to my life. I'm going to say it's because I forgot to get my prescription filled; however I consider that a cop-out. So I figure this is just who I am at the current moment (even goddesses have their flaws).

Rant #1- 'A' likes another girl. Yeah, that means I get to be a best friend to yet ANOTHER guy that I totally dig, while at the same time swallowing my self pity and pretending that it's the greatest friendship...EVAR!

Rant #2- guy best friend is obsessed with sleeping with other best friend (guy on girl action, not same sex attraction). Since girl best friend is not available due to a "healthy relationship", he plans on tapping HER best friend (not me...suprised?). So they (girl BFnd and her BFnd), plan on making a trip down to portland this next weekend (much to my surprise) to visit guy BFnd. Guy BFnd just called to say that he was planning a "secret" surprise trip to come visit in 3 weeks...gee, not a secret from me...obviously. He doesn't call me first anymore, in fact, he hardly calls me at all anymore, but he calls my girl BFNd daily and visa-versa...aww..idn't that sweet? (gaaaaag)

Rant #3- I work 2 jobs and go to school so that some day I can laugh at the slackers from my pent house apartment on Fith Ave. in NY, so why does it feel like I'm wasting my youth? Sometimes I see what all my slacker friends are doing and how fun they're having, well, slacking off, and I get sad/mad because I'm working MY butt off, and I'm sounding more like 40 year old instead of my ripe old age of 25....grrr...is that a gray hair??!!!

Rant #4- I'm single....still, and I hate men cuz they suck. Can't stop thinking about Matt, especially since we missed eachother at a choir concert by mere hours, and the sheer knowledge of that is bugging me, not to mention the photo's I thought I burned or turned into a voodoo doll happened to fall out when a box of papers fell over via moving process. *sigh....both my cuddle buddies are girl crazy and therefore out of commission (i'm going to cry into my chocolate now).

~FINAL RANT~
I love my sister, and her family. I'm totally stoked to be going there and getting a chance to see my wonderful niece and nephews, not to mention hang out with my sis. and her hubby....but after I do that, all I want to do is fly away to a secluded beach (due to my whale like appearance, i don't want somebody calling beach whale patrol), and have a vacation away from phones, works 1 and 2, and anything else that would make me wince other than the wonderfully glaring sun that might bring a little more palor into my flaccid complexion.

I HATE THIS PLACE AND I WANT TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, rants over......guess I have nothing else to add. This isn't for pity, I just feel that by getting it out into the open, I can finally visualize these demons and fight them to their death via glaring match...and maybe a little open palm slapping....*sigh...life goes on...right? Cio'

Oh so tired

I didn't sleep very well last night, and now I'm paying for it. So I figure I could head to bed early this evening.

It's my spring break, so I don't have to worry about homwork or classes for a solid week (woo-hooo). Alas however; there is the wonderful world of work...both of them (doh!), so I don't think I could really consider this much of a physical vacation, just a mental one. *sigh.....wish I could read a book.

More when it happens..cheers!

The Magnanimous Me...I figure I can use this picture to replace my current one, what do you guys think? 

Mutiny In the Ranks

So our district manager at the restaurant I work at got fired because he's incompetent and doesn't know the meaning of "freugle" in a business that can't afford a whole hell of a lot. Well, this is causing a stir in the ranks, and people are fighting to get promotions, raises, praises, and even are resorting to back-stabbing and secret alliances to throw other people out...ahhhh...I LOVE this business...bah! The only think I actually went to the new DM about, is the fact that when I got hired on, it was under the impression that I was to work 3 days a week, not 2, and the new guy was nice enough (after batting my eyelashes and playing the poor defenseless lady, hey don't you judge!! I'm desperate!), he told me that he would talk to my manager about the arrangement with the schedule...hey, all I want is an extra day, not any kind of recognition! We shall see how that goes.

I now remember why I never got any sleep...cuz my freakn' cat doesn't shut up! I mean I love her to death, but every time I'd move (I'm a sleep wiggler) or breathed real deep, she'd meow in the most irritating tone. *sigh...so much for a full nights rest.

I'm going to take some time off in april to visit my sis and her fam. I'm totally pshyched, but can we say "hello pilates???" Lol...actually, I'm more worried about fitting my fat butt into that stupid plane! I need a vacation. I'm going to try and go down to Utah in August for a friend's wedding that thankfully I don't need to be a bridesmaid for. Then, maybe I'll take a cruise..oh wait, I forgot, I'm still ghetto poor! Oh well, only in my dreams I guess. Well, on to slave labor! Cheers!

Introducing her royal highness, Queen Leelu of my apartment! (psst, she's not fat, just a little depressed) 

Ahhh...back to normal..well, out of a box anyway

So I'm all hooked up and rearing to go again. There's just one little problem...I STILL HAVE MY CAT!! I feel so devious right now. I'm so afraid of her getting found out, and what if the person falls through? AHHHH! Oh well, a couple woo-saaaws should help a bit. I dunno, although it is pretty entertaining to hear her growl (yes, growl) at the door when my neighbor pops in and out of his apartment. After 5 minutes of sniffing and making sure that everything was sound, she plunked down in the middle of my carpet and continued to rule her kingdom, geesh, I'm gonna miss her!

So I found out that 'A' has a girl that he's mad in-like with. Her name is Jenn, and I guess she's in Utah, I'm not sure. When I went over to his house to check my email, I found that his screen saver was of this girl. Hmm..I casually asked who this was, and he told me (beaming, I might add) that this was a girl that he really likes and is excited to about getting to know better. *sigh* That's it, if HF sees it fit to strike me down right now, I don't think I could feel a thing. Ugh! I guess I'm just meant to be that girl who everybody likes and counts on to be available to kiss emotional boo-boo's at any time day or night because she the "reliable single friend". And all my relatives will sigh and say what a nice girl I am, and why aren't I married? Pah...what a great comfort THAT is...give me a break. Yeah, yeah, I know that not everybody is supposed to meet thier somebody here on this plane of existence....ugh...again.

Well, I guess that's about it, I have to go and slave away again at job #2 for a couple hours. I really don't know why I started that place again..oh yeah, I'm ghetto poor...my bad, I guess I keep forgetting this. Well, at least school is all taken care of and things like that. I'm in an ok mood, I'm just emotional right now. I miss being a girlfriend, plain and simple. *sigh, sigh* Laters.

Woooo-saaaw

So I'm still in the midst of moving, and am in my current apartment, but still without internet. Which is fine because at least I have the friendly school computers to keep me company. I'm going through nice stressy-stress due to finals at school, getting registered for next quarter, and then still finding a place for my kitty (I'm crossing fingers, toes and eyes at this point, kinda looking freaky!).

So, while divulging all this stress related stuff to a co-worker, she told me about the "woo-saaaw" technique. With my curiosity perked, I inquired about this. She told me that if stress starts to reach levels of outer combustion, to rub my earlobes and chant 'wooo-saaaw' over and over again until I calm down, or bust up laughing, whichever came first. Too embarrassed to try this in our work environment, I waited until I was downstairs and out of site from anything breathing. I tried the technique and found that I was able to chant for a few seconds until I got a mental picture of what I must look like, and busted up laughing. Needless to say, it worked! So, now if I mention 'woo-saaaw' in future posts, ya'll will know what I'm talking about. And hey, don't knock it until you try it, I know you're curious!

I'll be getting my net hooked up on thursday (yay), so I'll be back to posting my regular schedule and wonderful life. Please, if anyone is religious, pray that I get good grades on my finals. Wooo-saaaaw, wooo-saaaw...Cheers!

Moving day woes

Well, this is going to be my last entry for a couple more days. I moved into my new place and tried to wait until the very last minute to take my computer so that I would have the internet for as long as possible. It's not like the web is my life, but I DO like to talk to my friends and family when there's nothing else to do.

Well, after moving and moving, and moving, and moving, etc. I blew out my knee. So I'm gimping around trying to pass it off (in my mind) as nothing, but my very noticeable limp and wince combo dictates otherwise. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I'm getting a wee bit frazzled because I've exhausted my resources when it comes to moving power. I can't keep going up and down the stairs, and I still have at least a good truck load left. *Sigh....I guess I'm just going to have to wait until this weekend to beg and plead for someone to come to my aid. I wonder if I could get away with the 'damsel in distress' mode? Prolly not, I'm not much of a girly-girl to do that. My friends would just look at me and ask me if I was feeling well.

On a lighter note, things are awesome and stuff with 'A'. The only thing is that when he's tired, he doesn't fail to let the people around him know it. Like the whole time he was helping me move, all he did was complain and ask if it was time to go to bed yet. Now I know why HF graced me with the gift of finding the silver lining these last few years. It was so that I would have enough to share with this guy!! *chuckle*

I still haven't found a place for my kitty, and I'm afraid of not being able to. For right now she's just sitting in my apartment all alone. At least my neighbors are helping me out by feeding her and spending some time with the poor thing. I hate to say it, but I'm almost relieved that I won't have her in my new place. I guess I was just getting tired of all the cat hair and stuff. I don't know. When I was moving around in my new place, I kept seeing a black shape out of the corner of my eye, or I would instinctively look beneath me when I was moving boxes around to make sure I didn't step on her. Hmmm...now I'm getting a wee bit sad. *sigh* Oh well. So, I'll post again when I've gotten things hooked up. Don't hold your breath, and don't cry, I'm sure I'll be back soon! Cheers!

ok...is it just me, or do you see a face somewhere in this picture? This is the picture I took when I was standing on the ledge, and there's no way it's my reflection...hmm...creeeepy! 

Putting Down the Cheeto's

Ok..so to keep me from eating any more of my favorite snack item, I've decided to update my blog.

I'm going through absolute insanity. Why the heck did I think that moving into a new place during finals week was absolutely brilliant??!! I'm a total dork, that's all I have to say. Plus the fact that I have school in the morning. Thank goodness I was able to get work off. I still have a lot going on however, and not really a whole lot of time to do it in. So this eve's blog is going to be a short one. I'm doing fine, 'A' is going to help me move, and hopefully I can recruit my favorite hippy(you know who you are) to help me out as well. I must tempt them with my
cooking ...hmmm.....what to tempt with. Oh hell, why don't I just buy pizza?

Crap...I forgot about the Haagen-Dazs...dang those impulse buys. Geesh...I promise I'm not that much of an eater, in fact, the ice cream has remained untouched for a couple weeks now, I think I bought it when I was reminded of my ex...*blarg..ok..I'm going to weep into my chocolate ice cream now. Hopefully I can get my finals done, and done well, wish me luck...on everything! Cheers!

My death defying shot. I was standing on that ledge that is up in the front. I stood in the very middle with my back to the river so that I could get a centerd shot of the fountain above.  

My ray of sunshine

"smile in the warmth of the sun, dance in the light of the moon" -anonym.

The day turned out to be such a good day. It started out foggy and rainy, which made me sad because I was going to take pictures that day for my Art final, but as the day went on, the fog dried up and the sun came out to turn into a beautiful, clear blue day.

I hopped on the bus after getting home from my various appointments and went to the local city park to hunt for public art to photograph. I wasn't wearing a coat, it was about 6o out, and suuuunnnyyyy. Which always makes me smile. I started snapping at various sculptures and the plaques attatched so that I could research them later, and even accomplished a death defying shot by climbing through some bushes to stand on a ledge that was a sheer drop into our very swollen river. The ridge I was standing on was about 2 feet wide, and me not having the best balance, nor the appreciation for heights felt (when I was back on solid ground) that it was either the stupidest, or coolest thing I've ever done...ah..see how much I love school?? (blarg) So I got a few pictures, but not enough, it's all good because my final isn't due until the 22nd.

After that I met 'A' for lunch at my favorite Irish restaurant. I was happy to show him the place for the first time, it being my favorite resturant. It became non-smoking and always has a great variety of Irish themed music playing amidst the National flags, movies, Notre Dame stuff, and of course...beer posters. The wall is also littered with hundreds of dollar bills that people have been putting up since the pub opened. I too have proudly stood on the bar and sung the theme song to "gilligan's island" to earn a spot on that wall, which means that every time I go in there I get to point to my dollar with my name scrawled in black marker on it while beaming. It's a wonderful experience. We ended up having some traditional Irish stew complete with Shepered's bread, both fresh from that morning, and enjoyed the atmosphere for a while(and the slice of a heavenly chocolate cake for 2).

We walked back to his place and felt the warmth on our faces, and shared stories and laughter, complained about our feet while we kept walking. When we finally got to his place, I was hoping that I would be able to show him my new apartment, considering it was so close, and lo and behold, the maintenance guy had just walked outside, so I ended up flagging him down for a key. 'A' loved my apartment, he said that it had personality, and that it was definitely a "cassie" apartment, and he was soooo excited to have me close, he got so excited that he hugged me from behind and gave me a kiss on the shoulder.Oh yeah, it gave me the warm fuzzys(hey, let me enjoy the moment without question, will ya??).

Anyhoo, after that he whisked me to work #2 and I ended up getting home late. I was so tired and satisfied that I didn't wake at all during the night...ahhh..I feel much better. Cheers!

Pain in the neck...literally!

Wow, you really don't know head pain until it makes you fall to your knees in utter agony. Or at least that's my experience today. I don't know what's wrong with my head. Every so often I get these shooting pains in the back of my neck that result in a pain that feels like my brain is trying to claw it's way out of my skull, good visual eh? Anyway, with that pain being the dominant thing in my day, it made it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything constructive, which made school at 7am kinda hard to follow. Little did I know that I was working on an actual piece of my final in my english class, I thought it was another practice round...nope, it's getting graded like a final, and I know I totally bombed it. So, that made me happy(sarcasm). And after that, work was really fun, because it's very physically involved, so lifting my arms, and turning my neck and things like that really made me want to be sick.

Having this much pain is a new experience to me and not very enjoyable. So I left work early, grumbling to my manager that I was leaving. She didn't seem very surprised, nor did she stop me, she knows that I did what I needed to do, and after that I was free to go. I took a muscle relaxent before I got off work, and thank goodness it decided not to take effect until I got home, because I ended up falling on my bed as soon as I came home and didn't move for about 2 hours. I was in a weird, drug induced state of mind, had funky dreams, but was lucid enough to observe that it didn't deaden my head pain any. I was really in a funk at this point, cuz I was kinda hoping it was something simple like a pinched nerve, but with all the medication I was doped up on, it should have done something, but it didn't, so now I'm a little worried about what it might be. After waking up and realizing that it was still there, I noticed that it wasn't so bad if I didn't move so much, I got on my computer.

'A' came online and started talking to me immediately because I was planning on coming over to his place after work, but decided to change my mind due to the words of caution from my mother about how maybe he still needed his space. So, ok, but I noticed that when I called to cancel, he seemed kinda sad about it. Anyway, so he hopped online, and we started chatting, well I told him that I was hurting, and I wanted some pampering because I hated being alone and hurting (hey, who wants to be alone like that??), so I innocently asked him if he was good at pampering a hurting woman, and he said that he was pretty darn good as far as he knew. Next thing I know, he's on his way up here to pick me up, knowing fully well that my apartment resemble hurricane Ivan came throught it...twice due to the fact that I'm moving, and that he was going to whisk me away for a nice evening of pampering, in which he knew I never really got any of because I'm usually the "pamperer" not the "pamperee". So he got here, and wrapped his arms around me, and I told him my head hurt, and he chuckled and asked me if ice cream would help. Oh hell ya!!

So I ended up having a lovely evening full of nice cuddling and backrubs with a hot fudge sunday for 2. Ahhhh...it's good to have nice guy friends! Well, I guess the medication has worn off, so I must sleep, because even though the pain is now only a dull thud in the back of my head, I still feel that being unconscious is the best method! Cheers!

Silence follows me on the hills of wanting, 

When I see this picture, it makes me want to walk right to the edge of the cliff and scream to release tension...that or it's just really pretty! 

So...is it bad when your lower back goes numb?

What a weekend, well, so far. I'm actually enjoying my time working back at the restaurant, I have a really good crew this time. In fact, apparently the full time kitchen guy is waaaay slower than me, and doesn't have the best attitude. I seem to get along with everyone, well, except some girl named cassandra. She' s really stuck up, and no one likes her, in fact, tonight was the first time I met her, and I actually wanted to smack her at some point.

I have a system that keeps things a little more organized, like I group things together so that it's easier for me to see what I need to get out of the way first, and all the servers know, that if they have time, that putting things in the right piles helps me out a lot. Well, after I explained this, she still would come in, toss all the dishes on top of my stacks, walk over to the sink and down a huge bite of broken chocolate moose and laugh with the cooks for a few minutes while watching me grumble my way through her pile and organizing it myself. Grrr....thank goodness she only works one night a week! Plus that, and since we have the same names, apparently she thinks that my time card is hers as well, even though our handwriting is totally different, and I always put a happy face on mine...it's like she's stupid or something, oh well, it's going to be interesting.

I get to sign my new lease tomorrow. I'm still pretty tight this month. I have to give her some money to keep the apartment on hold, pay full months rent at my current place, and still be able to afford to live. Well, it looks like this month I'm going to have to count my food storage. I have enough to put down a deposit, but that leaves me with no food money and $50 less out of my rent. I don't know what to do, hopefully I'll think of something. I'm sure I'll be ok, I mean, miracles happen....right? I just have to have faith that HF is going to lead me in the right direction.

Well, that's about it right now, I'm soo tired that if it wasn't for spell check, ya'll would think I was typing in another language...more tomorrow...cheers!

And the A's have it

The following is a nice little drama via-email.

Well, I'm off to work #2. Thought I would pop in and see how you were doing. I'm worried bout you 'A', and even though you're going to say that it's not warranted, I'm still gonna. Normally keeping in touch with you isn't a problem. You poofed. You know, since I'm practically going to move in next door..oh wait..I AM moving next door!:)We're going to be seeing eachother a bit here and there, I told you that I'm not going to be a constant companion or anything, so don't worry bout that. I don't know, maybe I'm just talking out my butt, I guess what I'm just trying to say is that I miss ya. It's weird to go from constant time together to...well..nada. I know your schedule and how pressed for time you are, you don't need to remind me, but don't you miss hanging out, just even a wee bit? Oh well, lame attempted I guess, well, you know my email addy, I'm here when you need me to be.
-Cass

His reply-

I've been really frustrated with a lot of things and I haven't really talked to anybody. I don't know a number where I can call you... I would have last night or just a few minutes ago. I do miss hanging out sometimes, but I'm also enjoying time to myself. I'm still not in the mood to be 'with' anyone and I know that's something you want. That plays a factor in there too. Anyway, I don't have a whole lot to say and I'm going to bed in like a half hour so I hope that you enjoy your new jobie :) Catch you later
A's

My reply-

I know...but I too have been doing some thinking. I know that you're aware of how I feel, and to me that's enough. Yet, now that I'm not moving away, I don't feel the need to rush anything. I'm going to be very busy juggling my 2 jobs, school and homework, please don't take offense, but I don't think that I'm ready to be 'with' anyone either. Can we just concentrate on being friends right now? Just take care of yourself, and take time out, you've been through a lot in the last couple weeks, I may not have a phone right now, but you're more than welcome to call me at work, you know the numbers. Cheerio!
-Cass

So you see, I guess I have to be content with just being friends, which I really don't mind, because all in all, having a relationship right now would be a major distraction. So I believe that this is an official damper on this chapter for a while. I know it's going to be interesting living mere feet away from him, but I have a feeling that it's not going to be so bad, I just need to lay off for a while, give him some space, and maybe not having a phone right now isn't such a bad thing, because I too feel the need to take a wee little break from this myself. These past few weeks have been a little overwhelming for me emotionally. Oh well, I guess it's for the better. I'm actually ok with everything, I just need to zone out fer a bit. Cheers!

ahhhh...to be a Virgo! 

Lazy Thursday

So, today I know I should have gotten a lot done, but I found myself going home after school, making some yummy pasta, and then promptly falling asleep. Now I have to go to work, but it's ok, because I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm happy to have something to do tonight. I don't have any classes tomorrow due to a woman's conference that both my female teachers are attending, so I don't have to be at work #1 until 11:30, that's a comfort. Unfortunately I have both my works tomorrow, so I'll have a 12 hour day. I'm sooooo excited about moving into my new place, it's just so fast for me, I have to be careful to stay focused on school however because I have my final project in are due on the 22nd of this month, and it involves a lot of work, travel and picture taking of local art. I'm glad she gave us so much time to do this in, but I'm very afraid that I'll forget to get it finished on time, and if I don't finish on time, then I fail the whole class, and all my work will be for naught. *sigh...oh, I'm sure if I keep reminders about, and keep a disposable camera with me at all times, I should be fine. Ok, well, time to row with the other slaves...cheers!

Ok..major improvement

So I found out that I did get approved for my new place. I'm very happy bout it, but it means that I have to pack up all my crap and move in 2 weeks. It's not so bad, I just have to ask some of the studly guys in my church to be buff for a couple days and help me move! lol I still have to pay the full months rent at my current place, and then half the rent at my new place. My new Landlord said she'd be willing to have a payment plan for the depostit, which would help a ton! I called 'A' from work to give him the good news, and he didn't seem to thrilled about it....looks like I'll be keeping to my side of the block for a while. I don't know, now that he's wanting to cool down, I kind of find myself going frigid, not in attitude, but in interest. Well a very old and wise person in my life told me that maybe he was in my life at that time because I needed some good guidance from a trusted friend, and now that he's done that, then he goes out again. Hmmm..maybe, but that would suck, cuz I really like the guy! Oh well, I'm starting to realize that sometimes I don't have complete control of my life, that I just need to give it up to the higher power, and go with the flow. So, other than that, maybe with me not being able to afford anything for the next couple months, I might further humble myself in the art of poverty...oh well, at least I'll have a roof over my head! I know I complain a lot, but in actuality I feel much better than I did on my first post. I've gotten some things taken care of, and a lot left to worry about, but at this point in time, it's babysteps, and since I'm not moving to Portland, then I don't feel the need to be in a rush for anything. Tonight I don't have any homework, so I'm just going to relax, get something to eat, and maybe go to be early...ahhh..free time...Unfortunately it's going to be short lived, I have to work tomorrow at job #2 in the eve..hmm..maybe I'll run into Cuba Gooding Jr., they're filming a movie here, so who knows! Cheers!

Not So bad afterall

Ok, so yesterday's blog sounded a little desperate..well HELL YA!! I am desperate. I hate it when I need to pay something right now or my life will apparently be doomed to existence! Well, I contacted the power company, and they've decided to let me keep my power for a few more days so that I can see if I'm eligible for assistance(please, please, please). I made an appointment for next week to see if I can receive anything from them, I just need to provide them with my pay stubs from the last couple of months...*chuckle, when they get a peak at those, they'll practically throw money at me, while trying not to laugh to loud to hurt my feelings. Yeah, my paychecks are worse than somebody who works at some nasty fast food place....*grumble. I'll hopefully get a little more cash flow with the new job I just started this week. I don't mind having 2 jobs and going to school, but it means that free time for me as we know it is spent sleeping, or..um..sleeping! I turned in my application to my (hopefully) new landlord tonight. She's actually sending it to an agency to do a credit check, with all the stuff that's going on, I wouldn't be surprised if she called me up on the phone laughing her butt off and wishing me good luck. I can see it now "um..ms. -----, I have had a chance to review your credit score for the apartment and ...bwaahaaahaaahaaahhaahaa...(intake breath) bwaaahaaahaaaa...". Yeah..that's going to make my day. All I can say is I'm glad I quit biting my nails, cuz I'd have bloody stumps for fingers by tomorrow! Eh, if this apartment doesn't work out, then I'll just stay in my current place for as long as possible, and try to save up as much money as I can, and find a place that doesn't do actual credit checks. The current place I'm living in supposedly did a credit check on me before I moved in, and I got this place, but for some reason I think that my current landlord just wanted to get the apartment filled...oh I hope, I hope, I hope I get this place! Anyhoo, I have a lovely paper to finish tomorrow, and by writing in my blog, I'm putting it off and not getting a bloody thing done, so I'm just going to stop typing and get going on my paper...*blarg. Cheers!