Bittersweet

So my boss just got back from market in Atlanta and she's been gone for a week, she also just found out that a family memeber back in Alaska has passed away, so she's leaving on a plane tomorrow morning to go to the funeral, which means she'll be gone for another week. I told her that she was going to miss my last week, and as emotion started to bubble up from my heart to say a wonderful good-bye, it was quickly squelched by "oh, can you finish some small alterations ahead of time so we won't be screwed when you leave", this was said while she was flipping through bills and hadn't even looked up from what she was doing...ohhhh-kaaaaay. Right..well, I understand..er.

So much for heartfelt goodbyes. *smirk*

Not only that but my manager is taking all next weekend off for some vacation time due to Labor Day...so that means that there won't be a lot of regulars there for my last day. Normally we do something for people who leave, even if we didn't like them very much we got them a card, I don't think that my last day will be all that. I'll prolly cry most of the time anyway. Oye.

I've been having fun trying to figure out my finances and stuff. I'm going to have a yard sale soon and hopefully I'll sell enough to at least cover some of my moving costs. I'm selling everything except my clothes and a few little things, as well as my wedding dress (brand new, never been worn, w/veil for about $500, was actually $700, white). I want to sell that over Ebay, but I don't have an account, and it has alway been wonky when I've tried. Hopefully the more financially stable people in my neighborhood will take pity on my and donate! HA! Oh well, I'll just put up a sign saying, "MOVING AWAY FROM HOME FOR FIRST TIME, PLEASE HELP ME GO TO COOLEGE, COLLAGE, COILEGE..OH HECK, SCHOOL, DONATIONS WELCOME!". (hint, hint) Ok, maybe not so desperate, but at this point.....*smirk*

In other news, I've been going gun-ho on writing more of my poetry, and am really considering entering some in a new blog that somebody told me about. I really would like people to read my stuff, but I'm afraid that right now I may not be able to keep up with it as much as I want to. I'll think more on that. Going to have a fun weekend with my friend Emily and her daughter at the Pow-Wow that my city has once a year. C'mon, beautiful Native American boys with long brown hair and wonderful costumes?? Oh heck ya! I am a 16th Cherokee anyway! Hee, heee.

Cheerio!

One more week

Well, I find myself looking down the road of time as one week. I have ONE week left before I quite the job that has held me up, kept me down and beaten for the last 4 years. Kinda wierd acutally, I thought I would never get out of here. I mean, I've actually tried to quite 2 times, but was smashed down into a submissive "no" from my boss who claimed to know better...oye. Of course I really can't complain, where else can you yell at your boss for an hour about how miserable your life is and it's all her fault? Not many places, so with the bad is the good.

I will miss the girls I work with (who know more about me than anything and visa-versa). They have been there through all the relationships, breakdowns, personal crisis, and happy moments of getting my first 4.0, or having people bring me flowers for Valentine's Day, stuff like that. I've grown so used to them all that it's going to be hard being the "new girl" again. I don't quite know what job I'll have in Seattle, but I have a feeling that it's going to be very interesting given the group of girls that I've been working with. I'm sure they'll get along withought me, but it would be nice to know if they would miss me. We shall see how my last week goes. Of course you know this means I get to party down when I'm done.

I think that for the first semester I'm going to just work in Seattle, because I found out that the program that I want to get into has some pre-reqs that I didn't expect, so it's going to be a while anyway, plus that and I want to get to know Seattle a little. Oh good grief this is going to be wierd.

I'm going to miss my family. I'm not just talking about my parents, but my WHOLE family. I never get to spend time with them and it makes me sad because they live in the same state as me, yet we really don't have a lot of contact. I'm going to miss the family get-togethers, the smell of Natalie's kitchen, Aunt Linda's perfume and Uncle Jim's ready smile and deep voice. Also catching up with all my cousins and the kids, saying how much they've grown and feeling just a wee bit older myself. Oh...that reminds me...

I'm turning 25...oye.

Yeah, yeah, but to anyone under that age, it's a pretty scary thing. I have so many goals and stuff that I thought I was going to accomplish by now, and none of them have been done. I can't dwell on that cuz it will make me sad, it just means I have to re-adjust them and tweak them so that I can get at least 1 or 2 of them accomplished before I turn 26, that was it was technically "by 25".

So I guess we shall see what the next few weeks will be like. They will prove to be interesting, and I'll update as I can. Cheerio!

Yup...that about explains it.....aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!!

We all need a little break

So I get today off from work because I was soo efficient that my boss decided that I didn't need to be at work. That's nice, I needed a break from the monotony. I was going crazy bored with all the crap that's been going on in my life. SOOOOOO much, and I'm not one to really open up about certain things until I've been able to mull them over for a bit. So as far as I can tell, these are the things that are bothering me the most (sorry Lar, I would call, but this is easier):

1) moving to seattle?
2) how to say goodbye to everything I know
3) faith/religion (need to get the hook up in seattle)
4) talk I had with my sister about marriage...
5)... which led to yet another deep thinking session about my weight
6) feeling like everyone is against me and thinking that everything I do is againsnt them when in actuallity I have so much on my mind right now that I'm kind of being selfish.
7) for the first time in 5 years I'll be unemployed and leaving the safety bubble of my current job with girls I adore and will miss VERY much, and a boss that can tolerate my psychotic nature.
8) leaving my parents, and having something happen (yeah, well, that's always a worry)
9) getting a job and a roof in seattle
10) M-O-N-E-Y (which should be #1, but I'm trying not to freak)

So to anyone that is noticing that I'm not exactly myself, please understand that I have a TON on my mind, and please don't take it personally. I'm about to go and do things on my own, of my own doing, no one is forcing me or making me do any of this. And I'm at the point to where I can admitt that I'm scared of leaving my bubble...but to quote my sister in a letter that I still read as often as I can "I want you to do something out of your comfort bubble, learn something, and in doing that, you can truly live life". Very wise that sister of mine...well sis, this is definatly out of my comfort bubble, but I'm not going to back down.

Please treat me with kit gloves over the next couple of weeks because I'm going through hell to get to where I'm going, and I need all the support I can get. Cheerio.

small talk

Why do I have this obsession with looking things up on google? Like this morning I found myself looking up an old boyfriend for like 2 hours. I followed him up from HS to college....hmmm. I probably am a little crazy, but what do you do when you are still much in love with someone and can't stop thinking about them??

Safely stalk them from a distance...through google!

Yup, I'm insane, it's official.

So I guess this is where I have to pry myself away from the internet, it's way too dangerous for my pshyche, not to mention my heart. I hate still having feelings for someone when you know there's not a bloody thing you can do about it. Grrr...ok..NOW I really need to take my mind off of things. Right, I guess it's time to actually get off my butt and get out of the house...yeah. Cheers!

Life Rocks

Ok...ready?

Mission: Bridesmaids dress from a company in china was stuck in customs and the fitting was today and wedding is tomorrow. Okay....

This means I had to work with 2 seperated dresses from the same company in the same color to pick apart and make into a new dress in the same style and try and pass it off as the one that is STILL stuck in customs.

Result: with the bodice just a might stiffer due to another assosiate's mistake in IRONING on interfacing that the other dresses don't contain, all in all a success. Thank goodness because she came in today for a fitting. Not so bad either because she also happens to be a size 4 (hussy), so it wasn't that hard to do, although I have no formal training in pattern making, I'm glad that I had a wonderful staff to basically help me out. Well, I can't take all the credit, we worked as a team and got it done in 2 days. Very cool.

So my other best friend from Utah is getting married next week. I got the invite in the mail yesterday and cried like a little baby. She's so beautiful and they look very happy together. Her and I went through a lot in Provo, and she was one of the coolest friends. I have another friend who got married 2 years ago and is currently having her 2nd child. That too is exciting. I wish I could go down there and be there for her, but I can't even afford to buy milk at this point, which really isn't unusual for me, but it sucks all the same. I know that this time next year, this friend will be making another announcement, and of course I'll cry like a little baby once more. *sigh*

I don't know, I'm not really into the whole getting married thing. I guess it's because I've worked in a bridal store for the last 4 years and have been engaged a few times as well (yeah, yeah, I can tell those who know me are rolling thier eyes now). I don't know what's in store for me as far as marriage is concerned, but I do know that it would be nice to do so before I turn 30. I guess it's just not my thing right now. I could be content just being by myself, but on occasion, on those lonely dark nights, I lay awake and wonder about the man who will finally figure me out, and what he must be doing in his life to find his way in my general direction...or maybe I'm gravitating towards him...who knows?

I have a lot to do tomorrow, so I guess I should get some sleep or something like that. I'll try not to ponder marriage, but when all your friends are doing it, and it's a part of my daily life, it's a subject that finds a way to weedle itself into my brain more often then I'd like. I guess I just have to keep going and have faith that Heavenly Father will show me something, or the way. Hmmmm.......better let that lie for a while, I don't want to jump the gun....again (smirk).

Cheerio!

Sunday, bloody sunday

Ok, it's not what you think, I just have an 80's tune stuck in my head and it happend to be about sunday, so it stuck. Fun stuff happened today, I got to sleep in until about 9ish, which is unheard of, but since I had a lovely allergic reaction last night, I was in a Benedryl haze. I think the only reason I woke up at that even was because it was 90 effing degree's in my apartment! GRRR! Why oh why can't apartments come standard with A/C units?? Oh well.

I eventually wound up going to my quasi-goddaughters 5th b-day party at the park. It's hard to believe she's 5 now. I'm afraid that I'll wake up and she'll be 21...that would make me..er..em...45!!!!!!!!!!! AACK! Oh well. It was a lovely party and there were a lot of kids, and the funny thing was that the kids were very well behaved and the parents were the ones going crazy, what started out as a harmless accident turned out to be a major frosting fiasco! The kids were looking at us in pure wonder as we, the adults, were hurtling frosting at eachother and chasing eachother around like we were the kids...it was actually quite fun. So...now I have a shirt with green and white frosting all over it...I heard somewhere it's good for the hair...hmm...we'll have to find out!

Scary thing happened too. Casey of all people called me freaking out because he thought I had already moved to Seattle. First of all, I haven't heard from him in 2 months, and he actually sounded panicked! Like we had been good buds this whole time or something. Hmmm...wierd. So he wants to get together for tea of all things, I asked him why he felt this was so importent, and he told me that he wants to "keep in touch" with me....wha??? Oh-kaay. I told him that I'm very busy and my schedule is never dependable...which isn't really that big of a lie, but I have a feeling that when it comes to "penciling" him in, it's gonna be a while. Oye...why can't a guy I like call me up for tea? Oh well.

Well, that's bout it. Laters.

FINALLY!!!!

Well, I finally got my computer from Gateway. I had to go through a lot of crap for this to happen, so it is indeed, a good moment. Unfortunatly I lost all my programs, so I have to build my computer from Word on up, but oh well, I can do that...hopefully.

Nothing much to report. I tried to go to Seattle last weekend to figure out living stuff, and the person who was supposed to take me bailed out at the last moment because of some stupid reason, and I told them that if they did that, then it was grounds for termination of friendship, because this trip was VERY important and it's a loss of trust thing, so since they didn't have the balls to call me up and tell me that it wasn't going to happen, they lost me as a friend, that simple, end of story.

Hopefully I'll be able to pull this off with even less time than I thought. The main thing is to find a place to crash, then from there, it's basically finding a job that doesn't mind student hours. I found out that I can't get into the program I want until I fill some sewing pre-reqs...so that means I have to take a year of classes before I'm even eligible...blarg! Of course they didn't tell me that until the last minute....*grumble*

Adam wrote me an email telling me all the wonderful things that are going on in Utah, and how he and Jenn are doing soooo well, I mean, I haven't heard from him since he moved, not only that, but he also had the gaul to tell me that he was living with 2 rich roomies and that I should come down and snag one! What the eff is wrong with that boy?? I'm not even going to dignify him with a response...he HAS to be mental, cuz no one is that stupid...right??

Other than that, I'm counting down the days before I leave my very depressing job (finally!), and the last day I'm gonna party!!! And then try and salvage SOME of my summer, even though it's gonna practically be autumn...*sigh* Well, nuff said, now that I have my computer, I should be able to update more...cheerio!