No Posting for a while...sorry!

Due to events of this last evening, I am without internet at home for a while. I don't know for how long, but probably until I can afford it on my own again. If anyone wants details of the events leading up to this....they can call me.

I'll try to post as often as I can, but I can make no promises. I'm considering just deleting this blog all together because it really doesn't serve much of a purpose. I'm more of a write it down in a book person. *sigh*

Sorry guys, hope to hear from you that are curious!

Day 4

Can't...move......legs...not...working. Ugh.

So as you can guess, this is day 4 of my work-out regime. Holy cow, am I 25 or 85? I know the first couple weeks are pure hell to anyone who's not used to doing this, but dang. Last time I pushed myself like this, I was in Utah (in which I dropped 40 lbs I might add). I have itty-bitty goals right now, but I am working on my first 50lbs in the next 3 months or so. Heath's mom is coming to visit in feb. (stress) and apparently she's not fond of big folk. Heath assured me that she would love me for my wit, beauty, and personality, but as far as my size, he told me that I could count on her mentioning something to him behind my back (wench). He assured me as well that he isn't exactly a string bean and she'll flat out say something to his face about his weight (what a witch with a capital broomstick!). Oh well, she's not MY mom.......yet. *smirk*

I've been having the last couple of days off from work because I haven't been full time, so it's been kind of nice to clean my house, be organized, and finish any projects I've been putting aside since I've met Heath. I know it's going to kill my paycheck, but at least I get one!

I'm excited because I get to go to my first hockey game this weekend. My dad gave me some tickets for a game on tues. night, but Heath and I weren't able to go due to work reasons, but I was able to call the team ticket office and get them exchanged for tickets this weekend. The seats aren't as great, but there not too shabby either. Apparently the team we're playing this weekend is prone to fights, so it should be really interesting.

So far, so good. I just have to remember that I'm not in a rush to lose a lot of weight. I know it's going to be at least a year and a half of working on things before I get to my goal weight. It's nice that I'm not suffering alone on this...ugh. I'm off to eat oatmeal...cheers!

Resolution Reminders

I call it that because if I never really did it in the first place, then wouldn't it be considered a reminder? The resolution I'm speaking of is the desire to lose weight. I figure I'm very inspired this year...very.

Heath and I went shopping yesterday and we got new shoes, pants, socks, shirts, and jackets, all for killing ourselves physically to be healthy. Ironic? I do have to say this much, I do have something going for me, my mom lost a whole bunch of weight before she got married, and so did my sister. So based of that theory...I should be able to drop some poundage myself..right? Keep in mind that it's not because I plan on getting hitched any time soon, but if it does happen, I don't want to resemble a heffer...ya ken? We just both decided that we're tired of being a certain way, and I know that because of my weak will as far as losing weight is concerned, I couldn't do it alone. I know that if I have someone suffering alongside me, then I have a greater chance of success. Sad for me to admitt that I actually need help on something, but this is important, I shouldn't be having these problems at my age. It's just not right, not for me anyway. I'm too cute. :)

I just bought the "Narnia" soundtrack thanks to my sista who rocks. I also got my new journal. I write on this, but having an acutal journal that I tote around all the time, gives me great opportunity to write down random thoughts, poetry, and feelings that I'm having that are just too great to not write down. I am very moved by music, and I have been listening to it since I got it (that reminds me I need to get batteries for my CD player so I can take it to work). Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm very influenced by music. If I'm ever listening to slow dark music, most likely I need a hug, and if I'm listening to Erasure or Great Big Sea, I'm usually cleaning. This is a goooooood CD. It totally helps the movie (if it need it at all!), and I love the fact that there is actually songs instead of all instrumental. *sigh* good stuff.

Well, it's off to work I go, selling brides and pressing Prom horrors of lace and tulle. You can see what I'm up against here, and if you don't wear sunglasses, don't blame me for the blinding pain of colors, enjoy!

Anybody want to guess what the movie obsession for the month is? Anyone?

I don't know why I find myself going back to movies I've watched a thousand times, only to watch them a thousand more. That's ok, at least they're considered "classics" A.k.a. "Much Ado About Nothing". I remember I used to watch the heck out of those movies because I lacked the one element they were abundant in...true love.

Ok, ok...not getting sappy or anything, I'm just saying I can watch them from a different perspective, that's all. Plus that and the guys are sooo darn cute at that age (yea...MY age)! *grins*

Now I have this hankering to go out and rent "12th Night" from the library, I guess I'm on a Shakespeare kick for some odd reason, that or I just like a happy ending.

On another note, I no longer work for Cingular (thank goodness). I'm going to be nice and say it was time for me to move on. The first thing I did was run back to my old boss who with her 'knowing' sigh, told me to come in and start working. Ok, that's acceptable, I just hope she keeps her promise to let me sew and to teach me. I told her the only reason I was leaving to go to Seattle was because they don't offer any kind of sewing classes here. Well, I wouldn't say "ran" back to my old boss, she kind of tried to contact me to. It's nice to feel appreciated on that for once! I start today, and I know that I'm going to be hurting tomorrow, oh well, at least I have advil!

I'm going to start getting organized in my bills this year, that's my goal. I want to be debt free in 2 years, and I'm looking at my debt (which is mostly hospital bills, bleah) and I can get pymnt help on those, and the other ones are willing to work with me, and 2 have dropped off...ha...I NEVER recommend waiting for that to happen, my credit score SUCKS because of it all. The reason why I'm doing this is for 2 reasons...A- I want to have a bank account, and B- I want to be able to get a nice house some day. Got to start thinking about my future (better late than never!). Plus that and Heath wants to live in Germany for 6-12 months. He can get a work permit there because of his brother, and I could get one too, but not unless I was his wife. I could get a seamstress job. Heath doesn't want to do this for another 2 years or so, so I have time. He wants to start learning German now though, and I want a bank account so that I can get a savings account for it.

I have mixed feelings about a lot of things, but one thing is for sure. I'm very much in love. Cheers!

New Years Shtuff

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Ok, got that out of my system. I look forward to the new years probably as much as I look forward to having my hair cut, it's like a mini-new start every time, we all get a chance to start over.

Well, I want this year to be different. I want to detach myself from everything that has been giving me grief. I want to start living my life as much as possible, without negative things, PEOPLE, and actions. I'm just tired of having this heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time, I'm tired of feeling guilty for things I've tried so hard to correct, in short I've decided to try and apologize to those people I've hurt and let things go. I have no reason to harbor ill feelings against people I no longer talk to and can't. Nor should I feel bad because I can't talk to them (boys included).

Why am I having this revelation? Because I've finally decided that I can't pick and chose who is in my life, and if something wrong happens, then it was for a good reason, and I should salvage what I can, and then let the rest lie on the bottom of that vast ocean of my emotions. What more can I do? *sigh* I'm just tired of all this emotional drama I find myself in with people from my past that aren't worth keeping around in my current life. Oh well, can't keep crap from happening, but I can control how I react (for the most part), and how I deal with it. I'm not going to turn a blind eye to situations that need work, but if it's past that point, why bother?

Also I have a few relationships to work on, especially my religious one....he knows me, I'm glad I don't have to explain everything to the big guy!

Heath and I are doing fine, we have our bumps, but it wouldn't be a real relationship if we didn't have our sporadic spats, the good thing is that we don't keep things in, if it's bother us, we talk about it right then and there to get it resolved. I look forward to my future with that one, all I ask is for one foot-popping kiss a day, and so far soo good! *grin/sigh* Some people would like to think that I'm unhappy, or am being controlled, but that is not the case, anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't get pushed around, cuz I push back if it's warranted! *smirk*

This year will rock if I just keep up the positive attitude. I'm looking forward to what life throws at me, and I'll try and take it one day at a time. I'm not sorry for how I feel about some past situations, nor will I ever be. I shouldn't have to justify my feelings, and I'm not going to, I'm just going to let things go, and if that includes forgetting about people, so be it, but it's not on my conscience.

Here's to a better, emotionally healthy, and productive year! Cheers.