What the 'F' ??

Ok...so I have been trying not to hang out with certain people because I'm easily influenced by them, and my guy Bstfrnd knows this...heck, we'll call him 'F'...so 'F' knows this, and he's been listening to me talk about this concept for a long time now. Here's the part I don't understand.

Yesterday I got a call at work, I answered it and it turned out to be him. First I was excited, but then I realized that he doesn't have my work number, and then it hit me...he was in town. I don't know, but for some reason I wasn't as excited about it as I normally am, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I had just told him a week ago that I wasn't going to be his roommate, or even move down to Portland?? Who knows.

Well, he sheepishly told me that he was in town, but wasn't going to be here for long, and that if I wanted to see him, I had no choice but to go out to bars with him and these same friends that I have been trying so desperately not to hang out with. ARGH! First of all, that fact that he didn't tell me, pisses me off, the second, the fact that he gave me an ultimatum is just as bad. I was not happy, in fact, I was reduced to utter sobs for the second time this week! I couldn't believe how selfish and self centered he was being! I told him a long time ago, that I don't go into bars AT ALL. It's not that I would be tempted to drink, but I just don't believe it to be a healthy environment at all.

So, after many phone calls with silent shouts and uncomfy silences, and weird pauses that resulted in not being able to communicate. I couldn't even get out a coherent sentence out in the end I was in such shock from his attitude. He said that he'd be able to see me for about and hour before he left..oh...how GRACIOUS of him. I was very close to telling him to screw off and don't bother. In fact...that was my plan. He then went on to tell me that I was even lucky that he told me that he was in town, he was just planning on being here long enough for a booty call and to grab his title to his old car! GRRRRARRRGGGHHHH!!!

So, I was feeling very low, kinda felt like I didn't have any real friends anymore. So I remembered my friend Lee, and that he's always been good at hearing my rants and crazy ideas of life in general. I called him up and asked him to hang out, cuz I really needed a friend. He agreed to pick me up and show me his new car.I had already felt better by the time he pulled up. and I suggested that we get a bite to eat at the Satilite, which is a former hang out for me.

We arrived there about 9ish, and sat down in an empty booth. For being that late at night, and the day, it was actually pretty slow. I had just snagged some menu's and was haggling with my waitress friend when I looked up to see 'F' come walking in with a smug expression and 3 very gothicly clad people trailing behind him...let's see, first would be red headed scary ex-bstfrnd, then her much-lusted-over new grlbstfrnd and current booty call via 'F'. And final, scary man-child with the black face paint and signature Manson T-shirt. *sigh

My eyes got wide, and he commanded, COMMANDED that I get up. So, like a dear caught in headlights, I stood up. Now, I've known 'F' for a real long time, and I can tell when he's truly upset about something, in this particular instance, he was amused, pissed off, happy and growling while smiling at me, so I knew I was passed the beating stage. As soon as I looked into his face and saw the genuine hurt behind everything else "public friendly" I leaned forward to be enveloped into his arms, and he didn't let go for the longest time...I didn't want him too either.

He told me that I was an a** and I called him the same thing, he looked into my eyes, and then hugged me again, squeezing hard. I have a feeling that if we were alone, that he would have been shedding some tearage, same as I, had the surroundings been a little more private. He then whispered in my ear "see cass, I always get what I want". I backed off to look into his face, and remembered thinking "no, I'm still staying here, you don't get everything, especially me".

He then wanted me to hang out for a while, and exclaimed (loudly I might add), that he knew me so well, he knew that I would come here. *rolls eyes* I still wasn't happy with him, and he knows it, but he did swear that he would still come and see me before he left. My exbstfrnd said "oh, wouldn't it be nice if we could all get together for breakfast??" Ugh..no..I get some time alone to say goodbye you wench, to the back of the line with you! I did notice that 'F' did treat me with a very much noted difference from the other 2 girls in our little group. Current booty call (whom I had just met) wasn't looking too kindly in my direction whenever he would wrap his arms around me and hold me close, whispering into my ear. I get kit gloves and star treatment with him, because, I know as far as non-related females are concerned, I'm top dawg for him, and he knows it, hence the reason why he came to find me. I will always be able to hold something over the heads of all the girls he dates, and they will always come to hate me for it when they realize it, but he loves and respects me very much. When he's having a crappy day, he doesn't turn to his girlfriends for support, he calls me. For me it's pretty much the same, until I get married, he's top dawg for me as well, and he knows it!

We hung out for a couple hours, and then I decided I needed to go home. I was just about to call a cab when he told me I would do no such thing, and steered me towards his car. Much to his booty call's dismay, he insisted on taking me home. He gave me a hug, and kissed me on the neck and said he's see me tomorrow. I don't know what to expect, all I know is that things are different between us, but our friendship will always be there. *sigh....2 more weeks, 2 more weeks....woooosaaaaw! Cio'