Sadness

Right after I posted my blog last night, 'A' popped online. He got back from his trip just fine. He's in absolute heaven. He had such a wonderful time, and met so many great new people, that he's decided to move down there at the end of his lease, which happens to be up next month. I was crestfallen, I don't think I cried so hard in a long time, in fact, I think the last time I cried myself to sleep was in highschool. Well, he's completely oblivious to the fact that I'm miserable, and in all honesty...letting him know would serve no better purpose. So I've decided to suffer silently, put a big smile on my puffy face, and be happy that he's going somewhere to where he feels welcome.

He met Jenn, and she turned out to be awesome (of course), and she's "marvelously kind" as he put it. He went on to tell me how he spent 2 days helping her with her day-care job, and how he brought his guitar and harmonica and played songs for the kids. Yeah...he's smitten.

But you know what? I had a conversation with my sister this morning, and she related some stories about boys she's been in relationships with, and she made me feel better by confirming what I already thought, that 'A' was placed in my life for a good reason, to help me make some tough decisions and to put a new perspective on things. I understand that, but it still stings just a wee bit, cuz I know that once he moves down to Utah, that I'll never see him again, we'll both go our separate ways. It sucks more because we have known each other for so long, and have always had some influence on eachother, that I'm not going to have that anymore. I am happy for him, and I know that even though it's not my time to leave my home town, it's defiantly his, and he needs to get out of here as fast as he can. For right now I'm going to allow myself some personal time and kinda not hang out with him. I may feel better logically, but emotionally I'm still a little tender, that and I'm a little sad that he's completely oblivious to how I feel, but I'm thinking it's for the best.

I'll be fine, I've been through far worse (don't worry mom, i don't need condolences, cept maybe on my fishy). Cio'