So I didn't need the billboard afterall...

'A' left this morning to go to SLC for the conference and to meet his new little online buddy. I think her name is Jen, but I'm not sure. I'm trying very hard not to keep track of these things. He asked me to watch his rat while he was away, and I said I didn't care, so he brought it over.

He ended up staying until about 11ish, but we talked about a few things. He noticed I was down a bit, and asked me why. I told him that I had a lot on my mind, with my GuyBstfrnd and all (of course I didn't mention the fact that I was upset because he joined the ranks of all the men in my life who forget that I have feelings). He said he had a feeling that there was more to the story, and I told him that I have a lot going on, and I'm just kinda down for some reason, I COULD blame it on hormones...that normally works for girls such as myself, but that would be a cop-out.

So we prattled on for a few hours, and FINALLY it hit me. I'm getting reeeeeeal tired of guys walking all over what's left of my heart, so I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm not going to hide my feelings in the shadows for the greater good. For once I'm going to stand on my soapbox of emotions and not care because for once I don't want to be the only one hurting! So I called him on it. Me...ME of all people finally said what was on my mind to a guy I like! HA!

I started out by asking him if he was going to meet his new buddy while he was in SLC, and he said that she did live near there and that they would be hanging out a bit. I must have gotten this look on my face because all the sudden 'A' looked at me and his attitude changed from gushing about her, to realizing that something was up. I told him that I felt a little jacked on something, and went on to explain that after everything that has happened between us, we share and amazing moment, the he kinda goes wonky on me and tells me that he's not interested in a relationship right now, that he just wants to have time to himself, then he goes of and fraternizes with this new chick. So...you tell me, how do you think I feel at this point?

He got the message loud and clear, and he apologized because he didn't realize what he was doing. I said I understood because she's new, and I'm not. I live next door, and he pretty much knows me really well, and when that happens, guys tend to take my feelings for granted. *humph* Oh well, I told him I should be used to it by now, but it doesn't make it sting any less.

I don't know where this is going to go, and for the first time, I don't care. All I know is that I finally said to somebody "hey, this isn't fair, I'm right here, gosh darnett!!", and I'm not afraid of the consequences. My hopes are neither up nor down at this point, all I know is that school starts on monday, I have to finish cleaning my old apartment, and pay rent on my new place. *sigh* At least I'm not harboring any more unpleasant things, I just don't understand though, isn't doing things like that supposed to make me feel better?